How to Talk to Women

Sep 20, 2018Latest, Pro Victoria

How to talk to women is such an important topic these days when there seem to be so many ridiculous misunderstandings between the sexes.

It may surprise you to learn that there is an order to it all, but also that there are natural tensions and natural complementarities between the sexes that, once you see them and are aware of them, makes how to talk to women less confusing but still challenging and an endless source of fascination.

Who knows, you might even find the love of your life… and realize you’ve known her for years.

Let’s get started, men.

1. If You Want to Learn How to Talk to Women, Don’t Kid Yourself, They are Our Equals

There’s such confusion when it comes to how to talk to women it’s tough knowing where to begin. This is a good a place to start. It’s a sort of good news, bad news thing. They are definitely our equal.

However, that doesn’t mean they’re better than us or smarter than us (see below). It just means they are our equal and that’s a good thing, because without equality there can be no true friendship. Think of a man and woman as a king and a queen. Both strong, both have authority, but different ways of seeing the world and each other.

Can chess help in how to talk to women? A friend told me that in chess the queen is the most powerful piece and protects the king. The king is the most important piece and what be defeat to win. The other thing about the king is that he is more fixed and stable and only takes one step at a time. Cool, huh? It all just gets better and better.

To know how to talk to women?

Think chess.

2. To Learn How to Talk to Women, Stop Thinking They’re Smarter Than You

We men know how to talk to women but we mess it up because we think we’re smart when we’re just avoiding a fight or being polite. It boxes us into a corner. This is likely the most insidious mistake we make.

Because women have a certain genius for things and that genius is completely different from ours, because women confuse and captivate us, we fall into the ridiculous habit of saying, “Oh, she’s always right,” or, “She’s smarter than me.”

That was ok when men’s reputation in society was unassailable. Learning how to talk to women with masculinity under attack now is different. Done wrong, complimenting can make you look ineffective and weak.

Nobody likes weak men. Men don’t; women don’t. Women are not smarter than men—reliable data prove this—they just see things differently.

They see what we miss and they want us strong. Women who don’t are mistaken and need kind, strong men most.

To learn how to talk to women we must be better than we are now at this delightful game, if we are going to help women and ourselves.

3. To Learn How to Talk to Women, Recognize Beauty Really is a Burden; Sometimes it Ruins Their Lives

A man who knows how to talk to women sees beauty from two perspectives. He knows beauty is powerful and knows beauty is dangerous. This is why men and women need each other.

Men have a gift for detachment and cool, calm reason. That’s what women need in their lives. The Greeks did not always see beauty simply as a good thing, but as a gift to be managed responsibly. We can help women by not getting drunk on their beauty.

A man who knows how to talk to women knows that if they are beautiful they may have been given a pass since childhood. For us all, from the time we are children, if we are attractive, people don’t tend to make us use our brains. This is true for both men and women and as we see the superficial overtake the serious, as we see glitter replacing gold all around us due to social media, this nightmare is worsening.

So, if you want to learn how to talk to women, look past their beauty and appeal to their intelligence.

4. To Learn How to Talk to Women, Recognize They Confuse Men

Have you ever enjoyed the pleasant disorientation of alcohol or of waking after a deep sleep?

Being intoxicated can be pleasant. Being in a maze is enjoyable because sometimes it’s intellectually stimulating to feel a sense of sorting out confusion… as long as it is under control.

If you want to learn how to talk to women, learn to manage their ability to intoxicate you. It’s like a lot of contradictions—it’s pleasantly stimulating until it’s out of balance.

Men master balance. It’s one of our genius gifts.

And, gentlemen, women love it when we master complexity and they themselves are complex.

Learning how to talk to women means learning how to balance complexity, master ourselves, and read women’s intoxicating ability to confuse us without becoming weak and out of control.

Try this sometime: watch for the next opportunity a woman in your life tries to get you off balance. Roll with it, take it like a punch, then recover your wits and show her lightheartedly you know how.

Do it gracefully and she’ll love it; so will you as you slowly master how to talk to women.

5. To Learn How to Talk to Women, Accept They May Not Want to be Understood

Now here’s a fruitful source of confusion.

In the modern world men spend a lot of time trying to understand women. It’s a seductive line of reasoning that goes like this: “If I want to learn how to talk to women, I’ll work hard to understand them. Once I understand them, I’ll be able to talk to them.”

The problem this presents is that women are fundamentally mysterious. They may not want to be understood, so much as be loved.

Moreover, if you base love or intimacy on understanding, it means if you don’t understand them, you needn’t love them.

You break through and learn how to talk to women when you love them in spite of not understanding them, for their beautiful intoxicating complexity, their genius, is in being mysterious.

Even if you love a woman who is more logical than not, life will throw both of you circumstances that will defy understanding.

Learn to love through misunderstanding and complexity. It strengthens your will and your goodness. Embrace that and you’ll learn how to talk to women.

Love; don’t understand. Boom, you win.

One quick closing thought on loving versus understanding. If you seek to learn how to talk to women, don’t think all love is the same. Love means willing the good of the other person. It doesn’t mean you love all women romantically. Learning how to talk to women means genuinely willing what’s good for them.

Good for them as employees, good for them as friends, good for them as neighbors, good for them as co-workers. And especially good for them as wives, mothers, sisters, daughters.

When you want the best for them, learning how to talk to women is easier.

6. To Learn How to Talk to Women, Accept They Don’t Want You to be a Nice Guy

This is tricky because we’re confused on distinctions between gentlemen and nice guys.

Nice is weak, accommodating, has no edge, has no guts.

A gentleman, however, masters himself to make others comfortable, confident and at their ease. He knows his strength must be tempered. He is strong, kind, has an edge, can do violence but chooses when to. He’s courageous, not unafraid. He protects the woman he loves from a dangerous threat: himself.

Nice guys don’t know how to talk to women.

Authentic Masculinity’s Stronghold writers embrace what we call Dangerous on Demand. A man who’s dangerous on demand is the kind of man who can learn quickly how to talk to women because he can ramp up the edge, ramp up the violence when necessary.

He’s not out of control and he’s no nice guy.

He is safe when he must be safe, but when the situation dictates he can switch from safe to single shot or full auto and get the job done to protect the innocent and the good.

He’s a man who knows how to talk to women.

7. It’s Easier to Learn How to Talk to Women Once You Recognize They’re Compatible With Men

The single biggest component of mastering something difficult is self-confidence. You become unstoppable once you believe with absolute conviction you will succeed.

It’s easy to believe you can learn how to talk to women once you understand that men and women are compatible and actually created to cooperate.

It’s simple, but gentlemen it’s not easy.

It takes recognition, discipline, effort and persistence, but when it clicks it’s addictive.

Male-female complementarity is life-changing and miraculous. Seeing it means you see cause for encouragement all around you everywhere you look. And encouragement is fuel.

So there you have it.

The first lesson of seven tips on how to talk to women.

The difference between a talent and a skill is that skills can be taught, skills can be learned. Learning how to talk to women is a skill.

They’re our equals, they aren’t smarter than us, their beauty is a responsibility, they’re confusing, they value being loved more than understood, they don’t like nice guys, and they are our natural complement.

There’s a lot more to learn and playing the angles is the best part, but more on that in future posts.

Shannon McGurk

Shannon McGurk


Meet Shannon

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